A Homely Man's Wit - The Young Ladies Journal, 1877

Abdul Aziz, says Lord Staleybridge, was not impervious to the shaft of wit. Once, in his younger days, as he was hunting in the valley, he met one morning as the day dawned an uncommonly ugly man, at the sight of whom his horse started. Being nearly dismounted, and deeming it a bad omen, he called out in a rage to have his head struck off. The poor peasant, whom they had seized and were on the point of executing, prayed that he might be informed of his crime.

"Your crime," said the Sultan, "is your unlucky countenance, which is the first object I saw this morning, and which had nearly caused me to fall from my horse."

"Alas!" said the man, "by this reckoning what term must I apply to your majesty's countenance, which is the first object my eyes met this morning, and which is to be the cause of my death?"

The Sultan smiled at the wit of the reply, ordered the man to be released, and gave him a present instead of taking off his head.

coming next - Romantic Fiction from the 1870's - a longer story this time so will take me a little while to upload. Bear with me. :-)

Notice to Correspondents And Subscribers Generally

Inquisitive Polly - (1) You can purchase the nose machine from Mr Alex Ross, 248 High Holborn, London. It can be sent by post. (2) No, it is always better for the gentleman to be a few years the senior. (3) John signifies "God's gift;" Arthur, "High, Noble;" Eliza, "a worshipper of God;" Annie, "Grace, Goodwill;" (4) Washing the face every other night with spirits of wine is said to remove the little specks that fill up the pores of the skin. (5) We can recommend you nothing better than the frequent use of glycerine. (6) Take a good deal of exercise in the open air, and avoid eating bread, potatoes, sugar, or, in fact, anything containing saccharine matter. Drink claret, and avoid beer.

Nellie Ray - (1) The mixture for whitening the skin, called Creme de Beaute, is prepared by Mr. Rimmel, 96, Strand, London. The price per bottle is 1s. or 2s 6d. (2) For improving the texture of the skin , see our answer No 5. to "Inquisitive Polly." (3) Wash to whiten the nails: Take of diluted sulphuric acid two drachms; pump water, 4 oz; tincture of myrrh, one drachm; mix. First cleanse with soap-and-water, then dip the tips of the fingers into the wash.
Taken from The Young Ladies' Journal No. 668, 1877.

Notice to Correspondents and Subscribers Generally

As our correspondence has greatly increased with the increased popularity of our Journal, we purpose from this date to answer questions of immediate importance by post within a few days of their receipt. A stamped, addressed envelope must be forwarded for the reply, and in no case shall we answer in envelopes addressed to be left at a post-office. Our subscribers must not expect us to reply by post to questions that are not of urgent importance.

Adelia Susanna - The egg should be well beaten in a saucer before being used.
Perticia - 1. Either glycerine or honey soap are very good toilet soaps. 2. In no. 665, in the articles on "Women's Domestic, Useful, and Lucrative Employments," you will see there is a school of telegraphy in Osnaburgh Street, Regent's Park. Notices of vacancies for pupils are advertised in the daily papers.
Theo's Darling- 1. As you say you have met the gentleman frequently, and have spoken to him, it would certainly be wanting in politeness to pass him in the street without a bow of recognition. 2. It is not necessary to wash the head. If you are afraid of taking cold, brush the hair night and morning with a brush dipped into cold water; it will strengthen it, and prevent its falling off. 3. If the toothache arises from decayed teeth nothing will permanently cure it but having the tooth extracted. Temporary relief may be obtained by soaking a piece of brown paper in whisky, and sprinkling it with cayenne pepper, and applying it to the face; it draws out the cold, and leaves no mark on the skin.
White Blossoms - We have heard that the following recipe will remove moles: Bichloride of mercury 5 grains, hydrocholic acid thirty drops, lump sugar 1 oz; agitate together until the whole is dissolved; apply with the finger every night and morning.
Margaret M - 1. Many of the best West End business houses will not take young ladies as apprentices. We do not know if the firm you mention take them: if you write they would, of course, reply. 2. We cannot tell you the premium likely to be required, as it varies in different houses.
Marguerita - 1. We do not know the qualities of the medicine you mention. 2. Castile soap is considered very good for the skin; it is not expensive, and is usually sold by chemists. 3. Briggs' tracing paper can only be used once. 4. Nine yards of cashmere would make a handsome morning robe. 5. We never heard of the chemical you mention being used for improving the texture of the skin, and should judge it would be rather injurious than otherwise. Fuller's earth is of a very healing nature, and if applied in a rather thick paste, and allowed to remain on the skin until it is dry, it certainly gives a soft appearance to the skin. 6. Serges are advertised from 61/2 yer yard. You could get a really useful one for 2s. 3d or 2s 6d. per yard. 7. You could get alcohol for the purpose you need of a chemist. 8. 1/4oz gum tragacanth, dissolved in a pint of rose-water, will make a very nice mixture for the purpose; if your hair is rather stiff, use a little less gum, or a little more rose-water.
The Young Ladies' Journal, 1877.